hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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