Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
