so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
