yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize