So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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