I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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