im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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