.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
