you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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