well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
