I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
