I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
