Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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