I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
