Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
