I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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