Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
