I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it because I queefed?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
