i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
