the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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