Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
