I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
