I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
