That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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