Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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