i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
