you would pick up someone in the library
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
