So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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