she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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