just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
