Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
