Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
