He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
