I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
