did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
