its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I forget how to act sober
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
