I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
