i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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