I hope mine doesn't look like that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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