i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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