Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
