I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize