if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
