I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
