You're my little dorito
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
