I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
