last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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