as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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