if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
