it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize