That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
