maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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