i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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