I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
