so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
