I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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