those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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