Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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