i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
