Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
