We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
