I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
