was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
