Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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