I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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