She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
