He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
