I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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