like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
