A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
