If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize