we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
